This section is adapted from theslutacademy.com, which is an excellent, although unfinished, website. These adapted pages have been edited to condense their length. There has been some additional copyediting, as well.

The Slut Academy

“Sex is for pleasure, a complete and worthwhile goal in and of itself. People have sex because it feels very good, and then they feel good about themselves. So we are proud to reclaim the word ‘slut’ as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice & pleasure is good for you.” Dossie Easton, The Ethical Slut

The Slut Academy is dedicated to teaching women (primarily) the finer arts of sex. The Slut Academy is an offshoot of a blog started by the headmistress a number of years ago to provide women with in-depth instructions in the art of deep throating and anal intercourse. Both of these topics are popular in culture today. As someone with considerable experience in both subjects, I felt like I had some wisdom to share that would make it easier for women to engage in these activities.

My blog soon grew to include instructions on a variety of other “advanced” sex acts as well. It soon became clear that an organized set of instructions for women would be useful, as there were few well organized sites offering that kind of information in the level of detail many women craved. The idea for the Slut Academy was born.

About Your Headmistress

Your headmistress is in her mid-20s and is a supervisory project management professional with an MBA in a health-care related field. I have pretty broad experience in the realm of human sexuality, have written numerous sex advice columns for my school newspapers, and have taught sex technique classes at an adult toy store during graduate school. I am bisexual and have a significant amount of experience with both men and women, as well as a variety of group configurations.

While I am not a sex therapist, sexologist, nor do I have any degree in human sexuality, I do have the real world experience to speak about many of the more advanced concepts of sex that most sex writers lack.

Why “Slut”?

One of the most common questions I’ve gotten about the Slut Academy is something along the lines of, “Why use the word ’slut’ in its name?” There are a variety of reasons.

First, the word is loaded with context, both positive and negative. When you grow up and move through middle school and high school, no one wants to be known as a slut. The same is largely true after you graduate as well, of course. At least, not publicly. Privately, however, many women love to be known as sluts in the bedroom, even if they don’t like that word or don’t wish to be known by that word. A slut, as Dossie Easton suggests in the quote above, is the ultimate sextress; someone who excels at fucking. The intent of this web site is to create women who excel at sex, who understand how their partners (regardless of gender) want to play in the bedroom, and who are prepared with the appropriate skill set to impress their partners with their sexual prowess.

So I use the term “slut” lovingly here. Like many, I reclaim the word to use as my own, on my own terms, and for my own purposes.

Sex Positivity

At its most basic, sex positivity means that you are comfortable with your own sexual identity and that you respect the right of others to possess and express their sexuality as they see fit so long as it is consensual and healthy.

• You believe that every sexual encounter should be wholly and affirmatively consensual. When two (or more) people go into a potential sexual encounter, there should be enthusiastic, expressed, affirmative informed consent at the outset, consent that is re-expressed and reaffirmed throughout the encounter. Further, anyone involved in the encounter has the right at any point to withdraw consent and have their partner(s) respect and honor that by ceasing those activities.
• You see sex as life-affirming, positive, empowering, and a basic human right. Sexuality is an innate part of being human, and sexual interaction between two (or more) human beings creates an incredible bond between those participating in it, whether they be life partners or two people who just met for a few minutes and will never see each other again.
• You understand and respect that some people don’t want to have sex, or don’t want to have sex as often as you do, and that’s perfectly fine. Everyone has a different libido and their desire to be or not to be a participant at any given point in time must be honored.
• You understand and respect that everyone makes their own decisions about how they want to express their sexuality, their gender and how they interact within what a culture defines as “gender norms.”
• You understand and believe that sex is a worthwhile pursuit in and of itself, for any reason two (or more) people wish to engage in it.
• You don’t slut-shame or judge others for how they express their sexuality, including how they dress, how many people they fuck, who they fuck, why they fuck, where they fuck, how they fuck, whether they get paid to fuck, etc. You respect other peoples’ right to enjoy what they wish so long as they conduct themselves in a manner that does not interfere with, harass, or intimidate others.
• You understand that sexuality is determined by so much more than just the genitals you have or the gender of the people you engage in sex with. There are a huge number of factors that go into what forms your sexual identity and how your desire to express sexually develops. Therefore, seeing sex as simply the meshing of two sets of naughty bits represents an overly simplistic understanding of what makes sex work for human beings.
• You understand that sex and sexual interaction is a complex, multi-faceted paradigm, and put forth the effort to understand how it works, how to be safe, how to be responsible, how to be ethical, and how to respect others’ sexual identities.
• You believe sex education should be age-appropriate, honest, and should cover the positive, pleasurable aspects of sexuality in addition to the negative.

So after having read through this list, which of these do you believe you already embrace? Are there concepts articulated here that you believe you might have some hesitation or reservations about accepting? Hopefully not. If there are, however, you should probably stop here and re-evaluate your understanding and acceptance of sexuality in general. If you don’t believe that everyone else is entitled to express themselves sexually in the same manner or a different manner than you believe you do, why do you think others should respect you and your sexual expression? Hypocrisy is not dealt with very well by most people when it comes to this subject.

Sexual Self-Esteem

Embrace your femininity. You are female and are therefore imbued with many traits and attributes that are recognized as “female” as our culture currently understands the concept of sex and gender. You have curves, you have a softer voice, you have a calmer demeanor and a warmer personality than males do (typically), and you have an innate vulnerability that many people, male and female alike, find incredibly erotic. Many of the great sex writers throughout history speak of the mixing of the feminine and masculine energies during sexual encounters. It is exciting to possess these traits and mix them up with others (be they masculine or perhaps another feminine). Both men and women state that a woman who owns her femininity is incredibly sexy.

Ignore media portrayal of female sexuality, both in terms of advertising and actor portrayals. People see females presented in advertisements and on TV shows and movies and believe that’s what “normal” or “perfect” women look like. Nothing could be further from the truth. There have been numerous reports about how magazines photoshop model images to make them look slimmer, given them a wider “thigh gap,” and make their cellulite disappear. This has a negative impact on girls as they grow up and provides them with a false idea of what it means to be a “perfect” looking girl. Even Seventeen Magazine, the most popular magazine for teenage girls, has been shown to be guilty of this. Female images in movies and TV shows are often “touched up” (digitally enhanced) to make them appear more attractive as well. Realize that what you see in these venues is not real, and do not measure yourself against them. The average size for a female in the US today is a size 14, while the average size model you see in magazines? She’s a 2-4. Think about that for a few minutes.

There’s no such thing as a “normal” sex life, but everything you do with another human being consensually is normal. As you move through life, you’ll see and hear a continuous barrage of stories about what a “normal” sex life looks like. Ignore those. Any sexual psychologist will tell you that there’s not really any such thing as a “normal” sex life, given the vast array of experiences and possibilities that exist within what we call human sexuality. If you want to live in a monogamous relationship and have sex once or twice a week, that’s normal for you. If you want to live in a poly relationship where you’re “loaned out” to others and even participate in the occasional 10-person gangbang ending with several loads of semen on your face, then that is normal for you. Do not measure your sex life, your fantasies, or your desires against anyone else.

Sexual Socialization Skills

Socialization: The process through which an individual acquires an understanding of the skills, habits, ideas, beliefs and values, shared cultural symbols, meanings and codes of conduct in order that they might participate in and integrate themselves into society.

As we grow up, we’re supposed to be taught how to be sociable with others around us. It is one of the foundational series of skills that every child should learn in order to integrate themselves into society at large, into the bonds of friendship and, ultimately, into romantic and sexual relationships as they move through adolescence and young adulthood.

While this set of skills is important from a general sociability perspective, they’re even more so when it comes to socializing with potential sexual partners (with or without romantic attachments). Listed below are a useful set of sexual socialization skills:

Asks Questions

The slut asks questions of her partner(s) to determine what they like or don’t like in the bedroom, what they’d like to try, what their fantasies are, what their limits are, what they’re looking for in terms of a relationship, etc. This makes the sexual encounter more interactive, which is what sex is supposed to be all about. It shows you care about your partner’s sexuality and models appropriate behavior for the partner in terms of sexual interaction.

Gives Praise

The slut praises her partner(s) for their sexual skills or innovativeness when warranted. If you have a partner that is exceptionally talented at going down on you, using the cock, biting you in just the right places, doing something unique to you while you’re fucking, etc., tell them you enjoyed their work. This not only validates what your partner is doing in his/her own mind, but it encourages them to be even more engaged.

Gives Information

The slut provides feedback to her partner(s) about what she does or does not like, how to “do” her, ideas for things she’s like to try, etc. As I’ve said many times, and you’ll see it as a recurring theme throughout the courses here at the Slut Academy, communication is the foundation upon which great sex is built. The more you talk to your partner(s) and find out what they like, let them know what you like, and let each other know what you don’t like, the better your sex will be.

Can Initiate Play/Invites Others to Play

The slut isn’t shy about letting someone know she wants to fuck them, and follows through to make it happen if the other person is amenable to it. Our society has a paradigm whereby it is presumed that men should make the first move when it comes to initiating physical contact. Disabuse yourself of that notion. There is absolutely nothing wrong with making the first move, whether it is toward someone you want to pick up for a one night stand, or initiating sex with a long-term partner. It doesn’t have to be any more difficult than just walking up and telling a partner that you want to fuck.

Makes Suggestions for Play

The slut offers ideas before and during the sexual encounter as things progress. Innovation and ingenuity in the bedroom are underrated skills. Those who’re open to creating unique opportunities during sex, however, are seen as desirable sex partners. One of the single biggest killers of physical attraction between two people is monotonous sex. Do research, watch some porn, etc., but expend the effort to be creative in bed and offer suggestions to your partners when appropriate about new things to try, fantasies to play out, and so forth.

Expresses Appreciation

The slut lets her partners know that she appreciate them being engaged fully in the sex and/or being willing to do some things that others might not have been anxious to do (i.e., going down on her asshole). You should always let your partner(s) know how much you appreciate the things they do in bed, especially if they’ve gone above and beyond the call of duty to provide you with a good orgasm (even if you never got the O – they should still be commended for their efforts). This lets them know you’re not taking them for granted.

Plays Cooperatively

The slut sees a sexual encounter as a mutually-interactive one where both partners are co-equal participants in the physical, emotional, and spiritual bonding that takes place. There are occasionally times when the sex is or must be one sided (when you pull him into the family bathroom at the mall for a quick BJ, for example). It is important, however, that you don’t get into a rut where one person is doing most or all of the work without any reciprocation by the other person. This is true not only for sex involving two people, but for threesomes and group sex as well. If you’re part of a threesome, be sure you focus your attention equally on both your other partners (unless they’ve requested otherwise).

Shares

The slut shares the experience with her partner(s), shares her toys (where appropriate), shares her partners during the encounter (as appropriate), etc. Sex is a bonding experience. Even if your sole intent is one of purely physical pleasure, being that intimate with someone necessarily involves some level of intimacy and the bonding that comes with it. In my view, that’s part of the fun of a sexual encounter, in fact. Don’t wall yourself off; share the experience with the other person. Share your toys (use protection with them unless you’re fluid bonded, of course) as well. Your vibrator makes you feel good, use it to make your partner feel good as well. Finally, if you’re promiscuous or in a non-monogamous relationship, you get to share your partner with someone else.

Sets/Honors Boundaries

The slut expresses her limits to her partner(s) and enforces those limits if the others playing fail to honor them. She also asks about and respects the boundaries and limitations of those she’s playing with. This is an important part of consent, which is a necessary component of any sexual encounter. In order for a trust relationship to exist between two sex partners, they must agree to respect the limits and boundaries established by each other. Failure to do so destroys that trust, resulting in a less fulfilling encounter (or perhaps ending the encounter altogether). When taken to the extreme, it may result in rape and possibly have legal consequences.

Takes Turns

The slut and her partner(s) take turns during the sexual encounter when appropriate. In many cases, it works better if one partner focuses on the other for a few moments while the other just lies there, and then the situation reverses itself. For example, one partner may bring the other to an orgasm first, and then the one who just orgasmed gets the first one off. This is an example of a micro exchange. Macro exchanges may be configured this way as well. For instance, this week it might be her turn to think of something creative to try in the bedroom, while next week it might be his turn.

Compromises

The slut compromises with her partner(s) when appropriate. There are often certain techniques or sexual activities that one wants to try and another doesn’t. Rather than rejecting such requests outright, the slut will evaluate the situation and perhaps offer a compromise that integrates a portion of what the requestor has asked for. This is a great way to find new things that integrate into your sex play.

Is Agreeable to Partner’s Ideas

The slut enjoys integrating her partner’s requests into their sex play, always at least entertaining the suggestions. This does not mean you should forgo your personal hard limits, but there are a great many things that fall into the “soft limit” space that you should at least contemplate prior to rejecting them out of hand.

Offers Alternative Ideas When Disagreeing

A corollary to the two preceding skills, the slut should offer other ideas for possible sex play if she doesn’t agree to a request offered by her partner(s). This lets her partner(s) know that she’s not just rejecting them to be difficult, but is perhaps doing so because she does not wish to violate a limit she has set for herself. Offering alternatives is part of the process of negotiating sex play (see below).

Successfully Enters Ongoing Play

The slut is not averse to joining in to sex play already in progress if the opportunity presents itself and is appropriate. For example, if she walks in to a room with a girlfriend and a guy fucking, she asks if they would like a third. If they agree, she joins in so as not to interrupt the flow of what is taking place. She may walk in on a monogamous partner who’s jerking himself off and offer to finish the job. In either scenario, if the others are not interested, she respects that and moves on without feeling rejected.

Communicates Well

The slut discusses sex and sexuality rationally and intelligently with others (sex partners or not), waits for input from others, and responds accordingly without being condescending or offputting. She’s not averse to trying to educate others about human sexuality within the limitations of her own knowledge and skill set, and doesn’t express shame at being a sexually-expressive woman or remorse for having engaged in consensual sexual activities even if they didn’t turn out the way she had hoped they would.

Understands Negotiation

The slut understands the concepts of negotiation with partners with respect to consent (ensuring consent is fully informed), setting play boundaries (ensuring all involved understand each others’ limitations), setting expectations about outcomes (ensuring, for example, that everyone knows that the sex is purely a one time deal and has no potential for any long term relationships), and ensuring her partner(s) are fully cognizant of the parameters set by everyone in terms of any given sexual encounter.

Conclusion

I think it is pretty easy to see how these skills form the basis for socialization in terms of our childhood and how we grow up and integrate ourselves into society. But I’ll bet you likely hadn’t correlated them to your sexual interactions with others until you read through this. I do hope that you can see why I consider them to be critical to any ethical slut’s sex life, however. Now let’s move on to discussing what it means to be a slut and how that is a positive thing.

Understanding The Nature of Female Sexuality

Women, specifically, are conditioned by society to believe they want or need to be monogamous, that that is the default setting and that any sexual option outside that makes them less worthy of anyone else’s love and respect. However, in his book, Sex at Dawn, author Christopher Ryan destroys this notion, laying out compelling evidence that female sexuality is far more robust than that of males, and that many women are sexually insatiable. He writes,

“No group-living nonhuman primate is monogamous, and adultery has been documented in every human culture studied – including those in which fornicators are routinely stoned to death. In light of all of this bloody retribution, it’s hard to see how monogamy comes “naturally” to our species. Why would so many risk their reputations, families, careers – even presidential legacies – for something that runs against human nature? Were monogamy an ancient, evolved trait characteristic of our species, as the standard narrative insists, these ubiquitous transgressions would be infrequent and such horrible enforcement unnecessary. No creature needs to be threatened with death to act in accord with its own nature.”

So, clearly, the concept that women need to be monogamous or constrained in their sexual pursuits is one that is imposed upon us by society and not reflective of the natural sexual forces that exist in our bodies. Given that, you should not allow society or members of that society to impose artificial constraints upon your sexuality. Therefore, it is a perfectly natural thing to want to embrace and enjoy your sexuality and your sexual desires, or, if we phrase it to accommodate Dossie Easton’s philosophy, to be a slut and to enjoy being a slut.

It should be noted that slutty does not mean, nor is it a synonym for “easy” (though there is absolutely nothing wrong with being easy, either, so long as you‘re safe and responsible about doing it). Slutty is a mindset that decrees that you are the one in charge of your sexuality, and you‘re going to manage and use it as you see fit. Sluts are uninhibited, masters of their sexual prowess, playful, creative, intelligent, and confident. They approach sex with the same sense of wonder, curiosity, and enthusiasm as they would any other aspect of their lives. They’re proud of who they are and it shows. Every single woman wants to be a slut (whether they use that word to describe it or not), though many don’t realize it until it’s too late. Don’t be that woman.

Things You Can Do to Embrace Your Slutty Side

The following is a collection of things you can do to embrace your newly burgeoning sexual side. You can implement as many of these as you wish to in any order that works for your comfort level.

• Change your undergarments. Go out and buy yourself something you consider sexy, whether it’s a thong, boyshorts, or whatever. Make sure it’s comfortable and something you can wear all day, and then wear it under your clothes when you go to work. No one’s going to know except you.
• Consider going commando, especially if you already wear thongs. In the minds of many people, there’s nothing sluttier than foregoing underwear altogether. Again, no one’s going to know unless you tell them. A good 7% of women never wear underwear, and another 18% do it occasionally. [Source]
• Consider a see-through bra or one of the sexier options out there. If you don't need support, try going without. If you do benefit from support, try sheer bodysuits or other supportive tops that you can wear under an open jacket.
• Wear a sexy new piece of jewelry, something you don’t normally wear. This might be an anklet, a toe ring, a pair of earrings that are outside the conservative ones you’ve been wearing, or perhaps a choker. Associate this with an expression of sexuality.
• Consider giving your pubic hair a new do, especially if you have it natural state (unshaved and/or untrimmed) now. If you trim it down or shave it all off (or get it waxed off) the area will become more sensitive and therefore feel more erotic to you.
• Start sleeping naked. It will not only put you in touch with your body and build body confidence, it’s actually very healthy for you.
• Flirt with people, even women; engage with people as though everyone you meet is a potential sex partner. It doesn’t have to be over the top flirtation, but lightly flirt with people as you encounter them and have the opportunity for personal interchange with them. Flirting helps build sexual confidence. And even if you consider yourself a straight woman, flirt with other women. There are two reasons for this. First, women generally respond much more graciously to flirtatious behavior of other women, largely because they don’t recognize it as flirting (women don’t expect to be flirted with by another woman). Second, this helps you build confidence as a flirt because you can flirt and won’t have to worry about it being taken the wrong way. Obviously, if you’re into women as well as men, then this becomes even more productive.
• Spend down time and other random times doing Kegel exercises. This might be while you’re sitting in the car at a traffic light, waiting on classes to start, on your lunch breaks, while you’re watching TV, etc. This is one of the most effective ways to learn to control and strengthen your orgasms.
• Begin working out, exercising, running, or some other activity that will increase your physical stamina and flexibility (be sure and check with your doctor before beginning an exercise regimen). Both of these are essential components of being great in bed, and it will take some time to work up to your maximum potential. So it’s best to get started as soon as possible. If you have the wherewithal to do it, consider hiring a personal trainer (and perhaps a nutritionist) to help you develop a regimen that suits your needs.
• Next time you drive by an adult toy store, don’t just pass by. Stop and go in. Check out the variety of toys and videos for sale. If you find something you like, buy it. Walk up to the counter like you own the place, plop down that gorgeous new vibrator or butt plug, and pay for it.
• Speaking of sex toys, find a toy you can wear in your cunt or your ass for relatively long periods of time. Butt plugs, Ben-Wa balls, bullet vibes that remain in your cunt, etc., all can be worn around the house or as you go out (especially the butt plugs). It will stimulate you the entire time you’re wearing them and won’t allow you to forget your sex.
• If you have a partner, sext with them or exchange naughty e-mails during the day (don’t use your employer’s assets to do this, however!). This can be purely flirtatious, or can be a prelude to an evening of hot and heavy sex.
• If you refer to your naughty bits by clinical names or “pet” names (vajayjay, etc.), stop it! Learn to use dirty words for them. Pussy or cunt for your vagina. Asshole for your anus. Ass for your back end. Tits (or boobs) for your breasts. You don’t have sex any longer, but rather you fuck. Don’t tell your partner you want to go “make love,’ but rather tell him/her you “want to go fuck.”
• Speaking of which, when you’re getting frisky and want to have sex with your partner(s), tell them outright that you want to go fuck. Don’t beat around the bush or use cutesy phrases any longer. Be blunt and to the point, “Let’s go fuck,” “I want to go fuck,” “I want to fuck you,” “I want you to fuck me,” etc. During sex, tell your partner what you want them to do using the appropriate language (“Stick it in my ass,” “Eat my pussy,” etc.). Read the course material on talking dirty and learn how to do it effectively.
• Don’t restrict your sexual activities to the bedroom. use other rooms in the house, fuck in your car in the garage, on your deck outside at night, go to a cheap, hourly motel, etc. If you don’t have a partner, masturbate in these places.
• Don’t repress your sexuality, your fantasies, your desires to be fucked. Think them through, allow them to flourish in your mind. Recognize and understand that every single person on the planet has sexual fantasies and desires; they are perfectly normal. Lose the guilt you’ve associated with all things sexual.
• Masturbate more often (assuming masturbation works for you). As you get yourself off, affirm to yourself that you are desirable, that you are going to be the most sexual creature on the planet, that you’re going to be as great a fuck as you can possibly be, and that people will lust after you. As you do yourself, articulate out loud words and phrases you’d use as you fantasize, as if someone were actually going down on you or fucking you (be careful with this if you have housemates, of course).